Category Archives: Parenting

I’m thankful for electricity, indoor plumbing and a smoke-free home

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all we’re thankful for — plentiful, nourishing food, good friends, family and — for some — football. This year I’m looking at the holiday from a slightly different perspective and will add some items to my grateful list: a furnace, shoes, pillow-top mattress, windows and indoor plumbing.

These are first-world luxuries that are so commonplace, we rarely give them a thought. But after visiting a Masai village in Tanzania I believe they make a huge difference to everyday comfort. For me, anyway.

Masai kids strike a pose.

Ololosokwan is a village in the Serengeti, a 30-minute drive on a dirt road from andBeyond Klein’s Camp, the luxury safari lodge where we were staying. Tourists can pay $50 per jeep to tour through the village and learn a bit more about life in one of Africa’s best-known tribes.

The traditional Masai diet of meat, milk and cow’s blood has now expanded to include greens.

Before visiting the village I had preconceived ideas about the Masai from images I’d seen in documentaries and on one of last year’s episodes of The Amazing Race. The men wear bright red blankets draped over their shoulders and spend their days herding cattle and goats, and keeping the livestock safe from threats such as lions thanks to a sharp spear. Not so long ago they ate a diet of meat, milk and cow’s blood, but have now added vegetables such as cabbage for extra nutrients. With the exception of tourists who visit and bring money, and the western clothes trickling in, life as they know it isn’t much different from 100 years ago.

Red patterned blankets are a Masai style staple.

It’s one thing to see the Masai on TV, but quite another view to visit a village in person. The Masai live in huts made of mud and cow dung. The huts are heated by a fire that doubles as a cooking area. On either side of the small kitchen is a cramped sleeping area — one for the mother and girl children, another for the father and boys. The ceilings are low to trap heat and there aren’t any windows or ventilation of any kind that I could see. It was all I could do to squint through the heavy smoke in the dim light to take in the spare surroundings: dirt floor, no electricity, no plumbing, no furniture beyond a couple of squat wooden benches. The smoke was really the limiting factor, I felt — it burned my eyes in a way that made the Grizzly House in Banff seem airy and refreshing.

Smiling through the smoke.

I’ve stayed overnight with a hill tribe in northern Thailand, slept at modest guest houses run by Nepalese families in the Himalayas, and I had just spent seven nights in a tent while climbing Kilimanjaro. But this home felt primitive beyond compare. I’m sheepish to admit I had a “Holy crap I can’t believe people live like this!” moment, immediately followed by a “How long do we have to stay in here asking questions? I think I’m going blind from the smoke,” thought. I pitied my poor, safari-spoiled western self in the village surroundings, but not the villagers themselves — they were way too well-adjusted and cheerful. Children walked barefoot through mud and cow dung to greet us with smiles. Men and women proudly showed off the livestock. And of course they were keen to sell us some beautiful beaded bracelets or bowls.

The beaded bowls were sold at a significant mark-up, but at least the money went directly to the village.

For them, life is life. They have food, shelter and family. I’m the one who had a hard time reconciling their privations with the comparatively opulent safari lodge we returned to after our visit, where a candlelight dinner of lamb curry, carmelized beets and mixed vegetables awaited, followed by a Pimm’s Cup nightcap in the lodge bar. It was a little Bizarro-World.

Still, I’m hugging my kids a little harder this Thanksgiving. I’m thankful they have a varied diet, shoes and flush toilets, and especially that I don’t have to share a twin mattress on the floor with them.

Sometimes, Mommy and Daddy like to go on trips (no kids allowed!)

During the month leading up to our departure I’d been reading Bennett a social story about our trip. A “social story” is a tool used for kids on the autism spectrum, to help prepare them for an upcoming event, or get them used to a new idea.

A social story helped prepare Bennett for our departure.

Bennett’s story was all about how some families like to travel, but then sometimes just the parents go on a trip and leave the children behind with their grandparents for some special Grammie and Grandma time. Bennett loves the story even though the images look nothing like anyone in our family. I truly think it helped him prepare mentally for our departure.

Here Blake and I are, as Bennett would say, “Climbing up a mountain in Africa!”

When I told people we were travelling to Africa for two weeks there were usually two reactions.

  1. “OMG I’m so jealous! I would love to escape my children for two weeks! That sounds like absolute heaven!” Or,
  2. “Wow, that’s a long time.” (Subtext: “You’re going to Africa and leaving your precious children for that long? What if something happens to them? Or to you?”)

Of course, there are always risks involved with travel, but there are also risks involved when I merge onto Deerfoot Trail during rush hour. As for how my kids will “cope” with our absence, I actually think they will thrive. I’ve noticed that Bennett is much more co-operative with his grandparents and his aides when I am not around (this also explains why his school thinks he’s an obedient child who never cries). Avery adjusts well to change and is so busy with school, activities and friends, two weeks will fly by.

I wrote a column for the Calgary Herald on this very topic when Avery was a baby and Blake and I were leaving her with an aunt and uncle so we could ski at Whistler for the weekend. A local family psychologist that I interviewed for the story called travelling without kids “healthy selfishness,” adding that couple time away from the kids is “absolutely crucial, but it’s something that does not get included in pre-natal classes. It sure makes sense to me that everyone would want to take a break from parenting — it’s a huge job.”

Well, amen to that. So, Blake and I will enjoy this trip (mostly) guilt-free and return home energized and ready to embrace the relentless job that is parenting, eager to swap stories about our adventures with our kids.

What about you? Have you left your children behind to go on a big trip?

Enjoying a weekend in Montreal last June, sans kiddos.

Let them chase frogs (and get muddy!)

With temperatures returning to seasonal highs this week, it seems this past weekend may have been summer’s last hurrah. Time to reflect on an amazing three months that included hiking, kayaking, canoeing, trampoline bouncing, sandcastle building, Saskatoon berry picking and lots of swimming.

Getting muddy feet at the lake = fun!

What my summer didn’t include? Crafts of any sort (kill me now), mall visits or time in the basement watching movies when it was beautiful outside. After spending 10 days in Fernie, B.C. (during which time I missed Calgary not at all), I came to realize I am a nature-mama. I want my kids outside exploring the great outdoors and catching butterflies, discovering beaver trails and finding pretty-coloured rocks.

My kids are drawn to water and Avery has no problem tracking down (and capturing) lake denizens. It’s awesome! Note: dirty fingernails means she’s having fun.

A recent Motherlode blog in the New York Times talked about how spending time outdoors climbing trees not only teaches kids their own physical boundaries, it builds their confidence. It reminded me of all the hoopla several years ago surrounding “nature deficit disorder.” Remember that? The media was full of stories about how this generation of children is spending too much time inside playing video games instead of playing street hockey or jumping in puddles after a rainstorm. They hypothesized the phenomenon was creating a bunch of fat, socially mal-adjusted kids who couldn’t tell the difference between a robin and a rooster. The upshot? Nature is a great, free source of active fun that helps kids grow.

Playing “Leaf Monster” = fun!

Taken together, these two ideas — encouraging my kids to get a daily dose of nature while at the same time letting them (or, ahem, gently pushing them) to take risks and step outside of their comfort zone — have somewhat shaped my parenting philosophy. But still, I have to remind myself to stop saying, “Be careful!” every time Avery goes out on a limb. And I have to willfully ignore Bennett’s repeated requests for “Help!” when he’s navigating a hiking trail — nine times out of 10 he can manage on his own and is super proud of himself afterwards: “I did it all by myself, Mommy!” I also turn a blind eye to the dirty feet, grass-stained clothes and mud-wedged fingernails (difficult, but not impossible), and try to remind myself that dirt is good for my kids, even if it’s bad for my floors. Really.

I’m sad the days are getting shorter and the temperatures cooler, making it less inviting to go outside and play. But I welcome winter and a new season of challenges and adventures: ice skating on a frozen pond, skiing down a snow-covered mountain and lots of sledding. Bring it on!