Category Archives: Parenting

It’s Renfrew for Grade 1!

We recently found out that Bennett has been offered a spot at Renfrew for Grade  1 and we are over the moon! Our son has autism and has been attending Renfrew Educational Services — which has an integrated special needs preschool/kindergarten program in addition to a special needs grades (1 to 6) program — since he turned three. I knew there was a possibility he wouldn’t get a placement for the 2013-14 school year (there are only 12 spots in the Grade 1 class at the main centre), so we had been looking at other schools since December, including an autism school and a Calgary Board of Education designated special needs school. While these options both had much to recommend them, they didn’t give me the same warm-fuzzy feeling as Renfrew.

Bennett has spent three great years at Renfrew. Here's to more!

Bennett has spent three great years at Renfrew. Here’s to many more!

I love Renfrew’s bright, cheerful classrooms, play-based learning style and friendly staff. Everyone at the Janice McTighe Centre knows Bennett and greets him each day with a smile and lots of love. My wish for Bennett to continue at Renfrew also has a lot to do with the progress he’s made over the last three years; he clearly thrives there. And he loves going to school — the highlight of his day is when the bus pulls up in front of our house.

Bennett loves riding the bus by himself. What a big boy!

Bennett loves riding the bus by himself. What a big boy!

When Bennett started Renfrew preschool just after his third birthday he was basically non-verbal, with poor social, play and gross motor skills, and severely delayed fine motor skills. With help from his teachers and aides, and the therapists at Renfrew, Bennett is now talking, playing with school friends and making huge strides with both gross motor and fine motor tasks (he can now , for the most part, dress himself — hooray!).

In Grade 1 Bennett will still have an IPP (Individual Program Plan with specific goals) and continue to work with speech, occupational, physical and behavioural therapists at school to achieve those goals. His classroom will have centres (like in kindergarten), but the teacher and aides will break the children into skill-appropriate groups and work on letters, numbers and other Grade 1 concepts. For Bennett, it’s the best of both worlds (play and therapy meet elementary “academia”).

Bennett loves fun school activities like cookie decorating.

Bennett loves fun school activities like cookie decorating.

When I told one of the teachers at my daughter’s school that Bennett would be attending Renfrew for Grade 1 her comment surprised me. “Good for you for keeping him there.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “Why wouldn’t I want to keep him there? It’s such a great school.” She went on to tell me that in her experience, many parents choose to “mainstream” their special needs children and that there’s a perceived stigma associated with a special needs school, and special education in general. This surprised me.

I get that inclusion has its advantages — in a regular classroom Bennett could model typical kids and they could learn about difference and acceptance. But I think inclusion only works if your kid is ready for that kind of transition and if the school can meet his needs (see below). However, I find the notion that there’s a stigma associated with a special needs school both disturbing and unfortunate.

I know Bennett, and while it would perhaps help me feel more “normal” to pretend everything’s hunky-dory by integrating him into our community school, it would be a grave disservice to him. My son thrives in a small classroom (1:4 ratio) with trained and dedicated staff , and I fear he would be utterly lost in a classroom with 19 other loud, typical kids, with no guarantee of an aide. As one paper argued, public schools often don’t have the resources, training or supports to teach kids with special needs. So why would I put my perceptions about what other people think (who cares, anyway?) ahead of Bennett’s best interests? That there might be parents out there making that choice for that reason makes me sad.

In making a decision like this I think you have to tune in to the needs of your child and let that guide your decision. If, in a couple of years, Bennett is ready to transition to the community school, then we will reassess. In the meantime, Bennett and I will both continue to do the happy dance every day when the Renfrew bus comes to get him.

My family-travel bucket-list

As I write this post we are five days away from a spring break trip to beautiful… Arkansas! I never dreamed I’d be packing our bags for the Natural State for the fourth time in seven years, but that’s what you do when Grammy lives near Hot Springs (Bill Clinton’s boyhood home, FYI).

Besides, the kiddos are excited about visiting the Arkansas Alligator Farm, where they can “pet a real live alligator.” Bennett is especially thrilled we are flying to Easter and is looking forward to all the eggs because when they hatch he’ll have baby bunnies (I know, so cute, right?). Perhaps he recalls how, during our visit three years ago, his second cousin Jackson received a real live bunny from the Easter Bunny on Easter Sunday.

Three years ago this little bunny hopped over for some Easter fun.

Three years ago cousin Jackson’s little bunny hopped over for some Easter fun.

Anyway, Arkansas it is. Before we had kids my husband and I fantasized about all the amazing trips we’d take as a family. We wouldn’t be like those lame-os who go to all-inclusives or opt for the safety of Hawaii or surprise their kids with a trip  to Disneyland. No, we’d be jetting off to Australia to rehabilitate koala bears, schussing in Zermatt and trekking to Everest base camp (evidently, in our travel fantasies we were also rolling around in fat stacks like Scrooge McDuck). Arkansas was definitely not on our family-travel bucket-list.

But the reality is that travel with young kids can be trying, especially when one of them has autism (it’s difficult enough when the kids are both typical). Truthfully, some days I’m amazed we ever leave town. But we do, though our destinations are the very places we used to scoff at: all-inclusives in Mexico, Maui and yes, Arkansas. But hey, at least we are getting out there and seeing new places!

I came across a beautiful Vancouver Sun photo gallery earlier this week: 15 places to see before you die. I scrolled through it and felt that old wanderlust creeping up as images of Petra in Jordan, the Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia and Pammukale hot springs in Turkey filled my iPad screen. A couple days later I read a story on making a parenting bucket list, about one mom’s parenting resolutions to her children. It got me thinking I should make a family-travel bucket-list, filled with trips we could realistically take in the foreseeable future that are bucket-list worthy for our travel style. No, not a trek to Everest base camp, but something adventurous and cool, like sea kayaking in the Sea of Cortez.

What adventures await our family of four?

What adventures await our family of four?

Avery went through a similar bucket-list exercise last year but, being six at the time, included things like “Climb a mountain (the highest one)” and “Go to Mexico and dance on a table.” So, in an effort to keep this list somewhat grounded, here goes…

Our Family-Travel Bucket-List:

  1. Raft through the Grand Canyon
  2. Go backcountry camping and swim in an alpine lake
  3. Visit Costa Rica and zipline through the rainforest canopy
  4. Go on a family African safari
  5. Climb a mountain together (not Everest; maybe a Colorado 14-er?)
  6. Sail around the Caribbean
  7. Go on a train journey like the Rocky Mountaineer
  8. Sea kayak in the Sea of Cortez
  9. Ski on a glacier somewhere (Alaska? Heli- or cat-skiing?)
  10. Road trip to Walley World (or, ahem, maybe even Disneyland), stopping in all the beautiful U.S. southwest national parks along the way.

How close are we to actually achieving any of these? Well, we recently returned from a trip to Arizona that saw us hiking in Sedona, exploring underground caverns and horseback riding at a dude ranch. It’s fair to say we’re on our way…

Hiking the Bell Rock trail in Sedona, Ariz. is a baby step toward realizing the travel dreams on our family-travel bucket-list.

Hiking the Bell Rock trail in Sedona, Ariz. is a baby step toward realizing the travel dreams on our family-travel bucket-list.

My kid’s school needs a new playground

For the past 18 months I have been part of a playground committee that is raising money for a new playground at my daughter’s elementary school. It’s a very worthwhile project — no one can deny the importance of a playground or the role it plays in child development — but the process of getting a new one is, frankly, brutal.

Peeling paint adds to our school playground's woes.

Peeling paint adds to our school playground’s woes. This old play structure is scheduled to be removed so we need to raise $$ for a new one!

I wrote about our struggles in a column for the Calgary Herald that went up online on Thursday. It appears in the print edition (Weekend Life section) of Saturday’s paper. You never know what the response to this kind of story will be. Would I come across as a big whiner? Would people be sympathetic to our plight and dig deep to donate thousands of dollars? Or would they tell me to take a reality pill, shelve our extensive (and costly) naturalization and play structure plans, and spend money on soccer balls instead?

Most of the feedback I have received has been supportive. I’ve gotten e-mails from  fellow moms who are on playground committees at other schools (and thus going through the same trials and tribulations) telling me to hang in there. Other readers have been shocked to find out that, 1. New playgrounds are very expensive, and 2. It’s up to parent groups to raise funds to pay for them, as the cost is not government- or school board-funded.

There have also been comments implying that school playgrounds are unnecessary extras. One reader suggested we take out the play structure and buy balls for the kids to chase around. “Way more fun than swinging, climbing, and sliding,” he wrote on the Herald website. “Get them playing pick-up sports.” Another reader wrote: “You want a 270 thousand dollar playground — that’s going to take a lot of effort and a lot of gin. A playground area is nice, it’s not a necessity.”

I like her idea about more gin, but I disagree with her comment that a playground is not a necessity. While organized sports promote teamwork and certainly have their place, a playground is a gathering place where children can engage in creative play that is not directed by adults. As structured activities take over our busy lives, this kind of unstructured play time is crucial to child development but is sorely missing.

Our future play park will have both an interesting play structure, as well as elements such as boulders, logs, trees and stumps  that can be incorporated into imaginative games at recess — and, after school hours, by all the kids in the community. It’s worth noting that naturalized playgrounds like the one we have planned are gaining momentum as educators realize the limitations of lone play structures.

My sincere hope is that we can raise enough money to see our play park become a reality. What do you think? Are we out to lunch or should we keep the dream alive over more G&Ts?